Autoimmune Thyroid Disease

An Unfortunate and Lengthy Adventure in Misdiagnosis

The fat of the land

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We were back in Old Blighty last week. All hell broke loose in the form of a thunderstorm ten minutes after we got off the plane. Everyone repeatedly assured us what fantastic weather the UK had been having. We assured them could not possibly be as nice as Nice. The train from Derby to Sheffield took us through the Dales and allowed me that special appreciation of the English countryside reserved for ex-pats. I was pleased by the romantic, fluffy trees, they’re very different from palms and olives and oranges. The only negative was (yet another) obese woman from “daan saath” who insisted on chatting on her mobile phone for the whole journey about how awful her desk job was. It’s hard not to get dragged in. We’ve grown to like not being able to understand other people’s conversations.

Strangely, there are no crottes de chien in England! Where do they all go?

In other extremely predictable news, the Brits seem to be swelling before our very eyes. We came back to (yet another) news article about Brits being told to start dieting and exercising. I am sure the Sheffielders are even more obese than they were at Christmas. Even the staff at the office have put on weight (and acne) …apparently as a result of going on weight watchers. I think Britain will shortly reach critical mass and sink into the North Sea. Put the potatoes and pasta down, please, before we become extinct through coronaries and infertility!

By contrast to the general UK population, the cast of Eastenders seems to be getting lighter. Janine and Laura, formerly walking sacks of potatoes (perhaps literally) have definitely dropped a couple of dress sizes. I think even Pat is looking lighter. If she continues, Janine could be positively sylph-like in another three months. Maybe someone finally bought a copy of New Diet Revolution onto the studio set? Kat can declare she “eats cake and keeps fit” in the latest gossip rags as often as she wants, it still isn’t doing her any good.

French gastronomy is not for the Rosemary Conleys of this world. The French eat more saturated fat than any other nation. It fills them up so they eat less, whereas Brits with their “healthy” low-fat diets are the ones who get the cancer, heart attacks and are constantly hungry and scoffing on crap out of vending machines. In Nice I am surrounded by gorgeous tall slender women with incredible waist-to-hip ratios I can only dream of.

I finally got my sister on Atkins about six weeks ago. She’s usually irritable and over-sensitive, but according to my father she’s now “positively serene all of the time”. She’s bought an Alsatian puppy that drops crottes de chien all over the house and eats her Ikea furniture and designer trainers. Whilst I was there my mother and mama said things that would normally provoke her, the dogs bounced all over the furniture and fought everywhere (one ran slap bang into the glass of the French window), and the atmosphere was very overwrought, but there we both were as calm as cows, taking it all in with the same detached amusement. She said to me “it totally changes your emotions and outlook and everything”.

Sad news: we heard that Caron Keating died, aged 41, after a seven year battle against breast cancer. I feel sad and helpless. Wasn’t she a vegan? Didn’t she advertise soya milk? Why do I have the sneaking suspicion this is connected to her diet? It makes me mad that women with breast cancer are still told to avoid saturated fat based on a study that has been discredited. If you want to know what the real killers are, they’re white sugar and flour, polyunsaturated oils, hydrogenated vegetable oils, nitrates, fertilizers, food additives, cosmetics and suntan “protection” creams full of carcinogens. How are you supposed to manufacture vitamin D from your cholesterol supplies (yes, cholesterol makes hormones and vitamins, without it we’d all be dead) without getting out in the sunlight? Vitamin D is one of the most powerful anti-cancer agents known to us. Cancer was rare before the turn of the last century and all these new fangled foods. Do you think our ancestors hid in caves all day and ate only the lean bits of the bison? No thanks, I’m on a diet. Do you think I look good in this sabre tooth tiger skin?


Written by alienrobotgirl

7 May, 2004 at 6:41 pm

Posted in My History

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