Autoimmune Thyroid Disease

An Unfortunate and Lengthy Adventure in Misdiagnosis

A sense of wonder (and a sense of smell)

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Foods eaten: Eggs, Cream, Jersey cow milk, Decaf espresso, Potato, 1/8th of an onion, Butter, Chicken, Pear, Cashews, White bread.
Kcals: 2314, Protein: 77g, Fat: 191g, Carbs: 69g.
Weight: 8st 10.2

I have become incredibly sensitive to smells over the last three or four days. You could put this down to spring approaching and warmer weather, but it’s still absolutely freezing up here in the peaks. Everything is smelling really strong though. I can smell all kinds of things like car exhaust, perfume, food, grass and trees, the river, dogs, chemicals. Every time I’ve gone out shopping I’ve found myself walking in someone’s perfume trail and moving or even crossing the road to get out of its wake. The supermarket is a sensory nightmare. I can smell the fruit and vegetables, and the meat and fish, and the spices and cheese, and the toiletries and all the chemicals they use.

Today I went to Nottingham to visit my mum in hospital. To get there I spent an hour and a half on a bus that smelled strongly of air freshener. I had a minor epiphany about motion sickness a couple of days ago. Sometimes I get very bad motion sickness on buses and in certain cars, usually taxis. Sometimes I get a feeling that I want to claw my way out of the vehicle because I feel so sick. I associate the sickness with a smell – those horrible traffic light or magic tree air fresheners, or people smoking with the windows shut. I think the smells must be aggravating the motion sickness, or vice-versa. Anyway, I wasn’t too bad on the bus apart from the repeated blasts of smell. I don’t know why people use these air fresheners, since they always have a nauseating artificial smell.

The hospital stank. It stank of urine, disinfectant, and some sort of fruity, flowery air freshener that gave me a bit of a headache. After I’d been there for a while I went to the loo and looked in the mirror. My eczema – which didn’t exist this morning – was huge and angry and red for the first time since I started the diet. I expect to react to strong smells, but it was still a surprise to see such an immediate and violent reaction. I spent three hours with my mum. I can’t believe how different she is. She’s getting some sensation and control back in her arms. But it’s more than that. I think that she’s had a fluid build-up on her brain for a while, because I actually held a long conversation with her. A conversation! She was speaking normally. I haven’t seen her like this since before she had her brain haemorrhage a few years ago. I think they didn’t really fix her properly the first time around.

On the way back on the stinky air freshener bus I had to stop myself from crying. I think I am in a “cries easily” detox phase, because I’ve bawled a couple of times in the last two days. I was crying because I was happy. I was just overcome by this strange sense of happiness and wonder and contentment. I haven’t felt that feeling since I was a teenager when I used to walk home at night in the dark after saying goodbye to my friend. I don’t know why I used to get that feeling. I think it was because I was genuinely happy for no reason. It felt as though in spite of everything the world was a nice place and I didn’t have to be sad and worried about people all the time anymore. All the bad thoughts went away. When I got home I couldn’t stay still, I was jumping around and being silly. I don’t know what caused it – maybe a ‘happy-high’ chemical reaction, a detox, a retox, but it made me realise I’ve been stuck in a low-level depression for a long time now.


Written by alienrobotgirl

18 March, 2006 at 11:00 pm

Posted in Failsafe Diary

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