Autoimmune Thyroid Disease

An Unfortunate and Lengthy Adventure in Misdiagnosis

All that meat and no potatoes

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A man works hard then comes on home,
Expects to find stew with that fine ham bone.
He opens the door, then start to lookin’,
Says, “Woman, what’s this stuff you’re cookin’?”

All that meat and no potatoes
Just ain’t right, like green tomatoes.
Here I’m waiting, palpitatin’,
For all that meat and no potatoes.

All that meat and no potatoes
All that food to the alligators, yes.
Hold me steady. I am ready
For all that meat and no potatoes.

I don’t think that peas are bad.
With meat most anything goes.
I look into the pot. I’m fit to bite
‘Cause, woman, you know that mess ain’t right.

All that meat and no potatoes
Just ain’t right, like green tomatoes.
Yes, I’m steamin’. I’m really screamin’
All that meat and no potatoes.

Where is my fry and ham bone? Where is it?

(Lyrics by Ed Kirkeby, tune by Fats Waller, 1941) Source

Fats Waller was a fantastic jazz singer and pianist of the early 20th Century, who lead a colourful life: “Fats Waller was in Chicago in 1926 and, upon leaving the building where he was performing, Waller was kidnapped by four men, who bundled him into a car and drove off. The car later pulled up outside the Hawthorne Inn, owned by infamous gangster Al Capone. Fats was ordered inside the building, to find a party in full swing. With a gun against his back, Waller was pushed towards a piano, whereupon the gangsters demanded he start playing. A terrified Waller suddenly realised he was the “surprise guest” at Al Capone’s birthday party. Soon comforted by the fact that he wouldn’t die, Waller played, according to rumor, for three days. When he left the Hawthorne Inn, he was very drunk, extremely tired, and had earned thousands of dollars in cash given to him by Capone himself and by party-goers as tips.”

I’m often reminded of this song when I hear people complaining about “needing” carbohydrates, as Fats Waller, nicknamed for his weight which was unusual in those days, tipped the scales at around 300lbs.

My uncle, who also low-carbs, sent me a copy of Meatshake by Ugly Duckling, the lyrics of which amused me greatly. As he says, too bad it’s ironic!

“I’ve been havin MeatShake for forty years”

“I love MeatShake!”

“Meat and shake, that’s all I need, m-hm”

“I have MeatShake every day at school”

“Look, when I’m hungry I need some meat
I don’t need none of that rabbit food they’re servin over at Veggie Hut”

“Meat to the Shizzake”

“Bro, I down lots of MeatShakes, man”

“I’d love to taste the secret”

“Lunch break, only got a half an hour
Gotta get something in my system, I go to MeatShake”

“Eat at MeatShake!”

“Taste the secret at MeatShaaaaake, hey”

“MeatShakes are so soft, I can eat em without my dentures”

Well hi, welcome to MeatShake where you can ‘taste the secret’
And when I tell you what it is, you won’t believe it
There’s something special in our food you’ll taste when you start eating it
Everything we serve has meat in it

But don’t you serve french fries and a vegetable plate?
It all has meat (What?)
What about the green salad and the cookies you bake?
Everything has meat (Oh…)
It’s nice and tender
Mixed in a blender
Don’t you want some meat? (Yeah)
So hot and steamy
Yet smooth and creamy
Come and get your meat (Hey)

Now when your body’s hungerin, drive on down and stumble in
Come on, give us half a chance, I promise that you’ll come again
If you’re not carniverous consider us a challenge
You’re too lean and need some proteine, we got it by the gallons
Rest assured our healthy indiscriminating guests prefer
The sweet and meaty morsels we concoct behind my register
Giving good service plus a smile in a paper hat
Our competition’s food is crap, who would wanna pay for that?
Please try a beef pie, top it with some meat fries
And a classic MeatShake, baked until the grease dried
40 cents more, you can have your meal meat-sized
Plus you get three tries, scratch and win a free prize
All except you vegan men who need to be leavin and
Head into the Veggie Hut where you can eat some leaf and gran
That is unless of course you wanna taste the secret sin
Come on, breathe it in, you can use your teeth again
Remember that meat’s your friend, so let it inside you
Cows gotta die too, don’t let them survive you
There’s an offer for a free shake when you buy two
Lasts while supplies do, thanks, please drive through

Skinny mini or a beefcake
Hey, you don’t need steak, get a MeatShake!
You want a meaty meal but your teeth ache
Hey for Pete’s sake, get a MeatShake!
You’re gonna take your girl on a cheap date
And you’re a cheapskate, so get a MeatShake!
When you purchase a combo meal you receive a souvenir keepsake
Get a MeatShake!

Offer for free souvenir keepsake for a limited time only
at participating MeatShake stores in your area
The MeatShake Corporation is in no way responsible for
high blood pressure, heart disease or bad body odor

“Mmhh… I better go taste the secret right now”


Written by alienrobotgirl

1 September, 2006 at 9:15 am

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